If you’re reading this, you care about your son. You’ve probably noticed language that concerns you, attitudes that feel wrong, or isolation that worries you. Or maybe you just want to talk about these topics before problems develop.
Either way: this is uncomfortable. Your son likely doesn’t want to have “the talk” about masculinity, women, and respect. You might not know how to start without sounding preachy or out of touch.
Here’s what I’ve learned in 25 years of clinical practice: Your relationship matters more than any single conversation. If you stay present, curious, and non-judgmental, you create space for growth even when you disagree.
These conversation starters are designed to: – Use the book’s scenes as entry points (less threatening than direct interrogation) – Ask questions rather than deliver lectures – Create space for your son to think rather than defend – Model vulnerability and honesty – Build connection even in disagreement
Key principle:
You’re not trying to “fix” your son in one conversation. You’re opening a dialogue that continues over time.
After he reads Chapter 2 (Ben in therapy with Dr. Hutton):
You: “What did you think about Ben going to therapy?”
[Listen to his response without judgment]
Follow-up options: – If positive: “What do you think makes therapy helpful for someone like Ben?” – If skeptical: “I get it—talking to a stranger about feelings sounds weird. What do you think Ben gets out of it that he couldn’t get from friends?” – If neutral: “Dr. Hutton asks Ben about shame. Do you think guys your age experience shame differently than they talk about?”
Why this works: Therapy is in the book, so discussing it feels literary rather than personal. It opens the door to mental health conversations without putting your son on the spot.
After he reads Chapter 8 (Ben’s shower scene where he accepts his body):
You: “Ben spends a lot of time comparing himself to guys like Eddie. Did that part feel realistic to you?”
[Let him answer. Don’t rush to reassure or dismiss]
Follow-up options: – “Do you think most guys do that—compare themselves? What do you think that’s like?” – “Ben’s grandmother said something to him when he was 13 that he never forgot. Do you think adults realize how much their comments stick with kids?” – Personal disclosure: “When I was your age, I was really insecure about [specific thing]. I never told anyone. Did reading about Ben’s struggle make you think about anything differently?”
Why this works: Ben’s vulnerability gives your son permission to acknowledge his own insecurities without admitting them directly. Sharing your own experience models that insecurity isn’t weakness.
After he reads Chapter 3 (the car scene with crude comments about girls):
You: “There’s a scene where Percy, Jake, and Liam talk about girls in really crude ways. What do you think about that?”
[Let him respond. Don’t jump in with judgment]
Follow-up options: – “Why do you think Eddie first stays quiet even though he seems uncomfortable?” – “Have you been in situations where guys say stuff about girls that makes you uncomfortable? What’s that like?” – “What do you think it would take for Eddie to speak up?” – Personal disclosure: “I’ve definitely been in locker rooms or groups where guys said degrading stuff about women. I stayed quiet too. I regret that now.”
Why this works: Focuses on Eddie’s silence (which most boys can relate to) rather than Percy’s active harm. Makes it about being a bystander, which feels less accusatory.
After he reads Chapter 5 (Eddie at the gym, Percy’s “Looks, Money, Status” talk):
You: “Percy tells Eddie that all that matters is Looks, Money, and Status. What do you think the book wants us to think about that?”
[This asks him to analyze the book, not defend or reject the ideology]
Follow-up options: – “Where do you think Percy got those ideas?” – “Do you hear stuff like that from guys at school or online?” – If he agrees with Percy: “I can see why that might seem true. What do you think happens to guys who build their whole life around LMS?” – If he disagrees: “What do you think makes guys believe it even when it’s not true?”
Why this works: You’re not attacking his beliefs. You’re asking him to think critically about a character’s ideology. This creates distance that makes honest discussion possible.
After he reads Chapter 29 (Brotherhood ritual with Ben, Chris, and Alfie):
You: “The scene where Ben, Chris, and Alfie share their secrets—did that feel realistic to you?”
[Listen for whether he thinks male vulnerability is possible or naive]
Follow-up options: – “Do you have friendships like that, where you can be real?” – “What do you think makes it possible for guys to be vulnerable with each other?” – “Chris and Alfie see Ben cry and it makes them closer, not more distant. Does that match your experience?” – Personal disclosure: “I didn’t have friendships like that when I was your age. I wish I had. Do you think guys today are different?”
Why this works: Invites him to imagine or describe authentic male friendship without pressuring him to admit he doesn’t have it.
After he reads Chapter 31-32 (Percy’s livestream, the aftermath):
You: “What did you think about what Percy did?”
[This is straightforward because the book makes Percy’s action clearly wrong]
Follow-up options: – “Why do you think Percy thought it was okay to stream that?” – “Hannah consented to being with Eddie, but not to being filmed or watched. What’s the difference?” – “Eddie punches his friend Percy afterward. Do you think that makes up for his earlier participation?” – “What would you do if one of your friends did something like Percy did?”
Why this works: The book has already done the moral work. You’re just helping him process and apply it to his own life.
After he finishes the book:
You: “At the end, Eddie is starting to question his whole approach to life. Do you think that change will last?”
[This asks him to predict character development, which is less threatening than discussing values]
Follow-up options: – “What do you think would help Eddie stay changed?” – “His father and brother pull him one way, Dr. Hutton pulls him another. Who do you think wins?” – “If you were Eddie’s friend, what would you want to say to him?” – “Eddie spent three years performing the ‘Legend’ role. Why do you think it took so long for him to question it?”
Why this works: Lets him explore the difficulty of change without admitting his own struggles with social pressure.
You: “In the book, Percy talks about Andrew Tate and the ‘red pill.’ Have you come across that stuff online?”
[Be prepared for defensiveness or denial. Stay curious, not accusatory]
Follow-up options: – “What do you think makes that content appealing to guys?” – “The book shows Percy using those ideas to justify treating women badly. Do you think that’s fair or is the book being too harsh?” – “If someone you cared about was getting into that content, what would you want them to know?”
Why this is advanced: Directly addresses ideology. Only try this if you’ve had several successful conversations first.
You: “Has anything like what happens in this book happened to you or someone you know?”
[Only ask this if he’s opened up in previous conversations. Be prepared for real disclosures]
If he shares something difficult: – Thank him for trusting you – Don’t panic or overreact – Ask what he needs from you – Offer resources without forcing them – Follow up later: “I’ve been thinking about what you shared…”
If he says no: – “Okay. I’m here if that changes.” – Don’t push further
Why this is advanced: It’s asking for personal vulnerability. Only appropriate after trust is established.
Your son is still developing. The prefrontal cortex—responsible for critical thinking, impulse control, and empathy—doesn’t fully mature until the mid-20s. This means:
Bad news: He’s vulnerable to influence and may make choices you don’t understand.
Good news: He’s also more capable of change than he’ll ever be again. The beliefs he’s forming now are not permanent.
Eddie’s story shows this: despite three years of performing the Legend, he begins questioning it in a single night. That’s not naive—it’s developmentally accurate. Adolescents can change quickly when the right conditions exist.
Those conditions include:
You can’t control whether your son changes. But you can create conditions that make change possible.
Having these conversations requires courage. You might say the wrong thing. He might reject your attempts. The path won’t be linear.
But here’s what I’ve seen in 25 years of practice:
Boys who have men in their lives trying—even imperfectly—to model healthy masculinity and have hard conversations do better than boys who don’t.
Not because the conversations are always successful. Because the trying communicates: “You matter to me. Your growth matters. I’m not giving up.”
That message, delivered consistently over time through presence and conversation, is powerful.
Your son is lucky to have someone who cares enough to read this guide and try these conversations.
Start small. Stay patient. Keep showing up.
The transformation won’t happen in one conversation. But it might start with one.
Morgan D. Grey, M.Sc.
Psychologist and Writer